Home Visit

Yesterday, Dummy One made a stupid mistake. She sent the wrong pants to a guy who ordered a pair from our store. No big deal, because the guy practically lives down the street from our mall. He calls and informs us of his problem. We asked him to come down to the mall so he could do the exchange. He simply said no and that he wanted an associate to drive to his house to drop off the right pants. Even though the store was at fault, that is just ridiculous. He made a huge fuss about gas prices and how much of a hassle it would be for him to drop by to pick up the pants and return the wrong ones. We would have just sent the correct pants to his house, but he refused to give back the other pair. He was confused and angered why an associate wouldn’t go to his house to drop off pants and let him get another for free.

…angry pants.

Ignorance

I love it when I am standing by the door and say “Hi, how are you today?” and most people ignore me like I didn’t say anything. I wonder if they would hear me if I said “Hi, what is the fastest way I can get you to leave my store?”

News Story from the Source

The other day, I was flipping through channels on the TV and I came across a news story titled, “Things Retail Stores WON’T Tell You”.

Let me help them out:

1. 90% of the people who walk through the door, we already don’t like.

2. Greeting everyone that walks into the store makes us feel sick.

3. The general public sucks; Not us or our policies.

4. Yes, we take back washed and worn items and throw them back onto the floor. If you can’t tell, why would it be a problem?

5. Nobody working that day wants to be there or see your face.

6. We know that you don’t know how to clean up after yourselves.

7. Yes, we stereotype. Get over it or proves us wrong. We see 3 women walk in with puffy rain coats in the middle of summer on a beautiful day, best believe we will follow you around.

8. When we shut the door, it means we are closed. When we open the door, we do it slowly to elongate the couple seconds of freedom we have before you walk in the door.

9. If you feel annoyed, we never care.

10. Every single one of us want to escape the grasp of retail. Anything you say is ignored unless you are proven good and actually get us to want to help you. For every one of those, there are 60 bitches that follow.

11. Finally, WE DON’T LIKE 90% OF YOU. Instead of ruining our day, go to the gym or something to get the frustration out. Retail Therapy via Anger does not work.

Numbers

I don’t give a crap if we had a good business day. As long as I’m paid, I could care less.

How Long Can I Describe Something

Someone calls and asks me to look for an item. She starts describing it to me and then I find it. I tell her I have it in my hand, but she asks me to describe it more.

Her: “Is it grey?”

Me: “Like a medium grey, yes.”

“Charcoal?”

“A little lighter.”

“Is it fitted?”

“No.”

“Is it loose?”

“No… it’s sort of in the middle.”

“Are they beads or sequins on it?”

“Sequins.”

Literally this goes on for 15 minutes. The worst part is that she is looking at the item on her computer as she is talking to me.

Angry Pee

So when I was working in retail, this woman came in and was shopping for a while before she asked to use our bathroom. When we told her that we didn’t have a public bathroom, she threw a fit screaming that it was illegal for us not to have a public bathroom…which isn’t true in any way. So she finally calmed down and asked to try on some clothes and when she came out of the fitting room she said, “I just peed in your fitting room, maybe you should get bathrooms.” And we were all just like…really? The best part is that if she’d gone to Sal’s pizza next door, there would have been a perfectly good public bathroom where she wouldn’t have defaced private property or made a complete ass out of herself.

When It’s Not Their Fault…

No matter what it is, it’s obviously your fault.

“Did this come in any other colors?”

“No.”

“Well, why not? It should have.”

“My size is not out here.”

“All we have is out, but I can check another…”

“NO. I want a Large in this.”

“…Like i was saying I can check another store for…”

“LISTEN. You need to put more larges out on the floor. It isn’t my fault my size isn’t there, so why should I take the hit?”

“This is the only one out here and it isn’t my size.”

“We don’t carry that item in the store; it is online only.”

“You expect me to order this online? It is your responsibility to have the products available to me.”

“The signs in your sale area are misleading. When it says ‘20% off of sale, does that me 20% off then an additional 20% off?”

“No… you only get one 20% off…”

“Well I don’t understand. You need to tell the company to make the signs clear.”

If I could magically pull whatever they wanted out of my ass, trust that I wouldn’t. Now THAT would be my fault, but since it is impossible, there is no need to point your finger at my face and scream about you needing a large and accusing me of not making more. If you really want that shirt, either lose or gain weight. That’s your problem.  

PRICES?

Yes, everything should have a price on the tag, hence why it is called a “price tag”. Unless you are rich or blind, there is no reason for the average person to not read the price tag. So do not come to the register, put the denim jeans on the desk and then yell at me when I tell you what the price is, even though it is conveniently place in the correct spot on the tag you should have read.

“$59.70?! It’s your fault I didn’t read the tag!”

Folding

EASY.

DONE.

Understanding Coupons

Once again, the difficult task of reading comes into play. You would be surprised how many people do not read coupons, return policies, promotion signs, posters, and price tags. Along with the strenuous task of reading, comes understanding what the coupon says. “Cannot be combined with any other offer.” That doesn’t mean: Combine with any other coupon you have in purse; or Combine with any offer you see in the store; or Combine with FREE to get all items for FREE. When a coupon says, “25% off”, that doesn’t mean; 50% off; or 25% off then another 25% off; or 52% off. When a coupon says, “May only be used once”, doesn’t mean: Can be used again; or Use it now and get it back after transaction. If it says it cannot be used on sale items, please don’t try to convince me something marked down isn’t on sale. I know how to read and understand multiple sentences to form a complete thought; you cannot fool me with your loud voice and demanding needs!

Simple Math

There is a problem when the average shopper cannot find out what 50% off of something is without using their cell phone calculator. Just to clarify, if it’s $60 then 50% off would make it $30. No matter how hard you try to make then feel guilty for being so stupid, it never works. “How much would this be with the 50% off?” I would just look at the tag and reply, “Well it’s $40… half of makes it $20.” Then I’ll squint as if to say, “Are you an idiot?” They just mindlessly say, “oh” then continue to ask me what is 50% off of all of their other items. Even when you look confused at the moronic question as if to try to hint that nobody has ever asked you such a foolish question, they ignore you discreetly making fun of them and continue to ask the 50% off questions.

NOT OPEN YET

The mall I work at opens at 11am, but my shift starts at 9:45am. I get to the parking lot around 9:30am and hang out for a few before heading to work. The mall has had the same hours for almost 8 years. I see a woman get out of her car and walk over to a department store door. She tries to open it, but finds that it is locked. She starts banging on the door then throws her hands up and shakes her head. She walks away and turns on her cell phone. She dabbles for a while then drives away. Surprised she didn’t break in.

Raunch Face

You know that face when a customer nit picks the item they are holding because they are trying to find a tiny hole or defect so they can get an additional percentage off? Yeah, that pisses me off. Other than the fact that they have to pretend to find an invisible loose string or “hole” in a $10 shirt to get like 5% off, they make a Raunch Face to be dramatic about their whole act. The act irks me, the face makes me want to take that shirt and throw it at their face then tell them the only defect on the shirt is them. The best part is when I just pull out the handy scissors and fix their problem then and there, just so I can get a more intense Raunch Face from the dissatisfied customer. Sometimes it’s a game, sometimes it’s just annoying.

Steamed

I would say about 90% of the time, the typical customer is the one who I can’t stand. They are unreasonable, incompetent, loud, rude, and all of the above. When someone you work with is more annoying than that, you know there is a problem. We will call the one in my case: Dummy A (yes, there will be more than one in later blogs). I needed to steam a dress for a customer. So I retrieve the dress she was looking for and put it on the steamer and then I helped her find more things to buy. Dummy A decided to fill the steamer while I was gone. When I got back I saw the steamer was steaming a little bit. I felt the tube and it was hot so the steamer was working… but I wasn’t sure why it wasn’t coming out normally. I decided to use it because it was steaming anyway, but it just shut off right after I started. As I was bending down I burnt my hand because Dummy A forgot to put the cap back on it after she filled the steamer with water. This is not the only time where Dummy A has been a complete brain dead moron. I understand some people aren’t born with common sense, but REALLY?